Kim’s Message: The Hidden Costs of Black and White Thinking

Many years ago, while going through a divorce, I sought the help of a therapist who helped me understand the negative impact that “Black and White Thinking” can have on your psyche.  I wanted to be “a perfect mother” and have the “perfect marriage”, and the idea of a divorce to me meant that I must be a horrible wife and mother. I had trapped myself into all-or-nothing judgements, which were definitely not good for my mental health. Thankfully, as I worked with my therapist, I learned about “grey thinking,” which allowed me to embrace a wide range of possibilities in every situation and acknowledge that each one likely had multiple perspectives and layers of complexity.

Black-and-white thinking is a cognitive distortion that reduces the complexity of life to extremes. It’s tempting. It's easy. But it’s also misleading—and potentially damaging to people, not only in their personal lives, but also as leaders. When leaders only make decisions filtered through a black and white lens and only judge something as “this is good or that is bad,” we run the risk of limiting our growth, innovation, and perspective.

The Problem with "Good" and "Bad"

In a world that wants immediate answers, it’s good to remember that when we label things quickly, we shut down curiosity and oversimplify nuanced situations, people, and outcomes. Consider an employee who underperforms on a project. A black-and-white judgment might label them as “not a good fit.” But what if the real story is more layered—a misalignment of communication styles, a lack of clear direction, or an undiscovered strength waiting to be applied elsewhere?

When leaders rely on binary thinking (only two options), they tend to:

• Jump to conclusions
• Dismiss unconventional ideas
• Avoid calculated risks
• Create rigid cultures that discourage experimentation

From Judgment to Curiosity

Now imagine a shift in mindset: Instead of asking “Is this good or bad?” ask, “What’s interesting about this?” That simple reframing invites curiosity over judgment. It allows space for learning, creativity, and deeper understanding.

What if instead of writing off a failed marketing campaign as “bad,” you explored what was interesting about the audience’s unexpected reaction? Or instead of labeling a challenging conversation as “difficult,” you recognized it as “interesting”—a moment revealing your team's real concerns?

“Interesting” Unlocks Insight

Thinking in terms of “interesting” fosters:

• Open-mindedness: You become more receptive to alternative viewpoints and feedback.
• Emotional intelligence: You're more equipped to respond with empathy rather than defensiveness.
• Resilience: You see setbacks as opportunities to learn rather than failures to avoid.
• Innovation: You cultivate a culture where trial and error is a path to discovery, not something to be feared.

How to Practice “Interesting” Thinking

Here are a few ways to put this mindset into practice:

1. Replace labels with questions
   When your instinct is to judge, pause and ask: What’s happening here? What can I learn?
2. Encourage curiosity in your team
   In meetings, reward thoughtful questions as much as bold answers. Praise effort and exploration, not just outcomes.
3. Embrace nuance
   Recognize that most business decisions have trade-offs. Accepting “both/and” rather than “either/or” thinking allows for better strategy.
4. Make reflection a habit
   After major decisions or events, debrief not just what went well or poorly, but what was interesting and why.

Final Thought

Black-and-white thinking may feel safe, and it certainly is easy to do, but remember that it’s a comfort zone disguised as clarity. True leadership lives in the gray, where the most interesting, innovative, and impactful things happen.

We cover this subject in more detail in our upcoming trainings Know Your Strengths to Thrive in 2025 on August 19, and the Leadership Excellence and Development (L.E.A.D) Certification Series beginning on August 28. Let us know if we can customize a leadership training series for your team!